A day in my life...........as an ER nurse during a pandemic

Anyone that knows me- my regular Twitter peeps, know that I only blog about books! I love to talk books and I can not lie! Something else though is having a very profound effect on my ability to read, write, blog etc. My mind like much of the country is somewhere else. Go figure. Who knew we would ever see a pandemic like this...I never dreamed it when I enrolled in nursing school.

Everyone is scared, but I can't stress to you how crazy it is to be in healthcare right now. I am questioning my career choice. It started out as joking among the healthcare workers...oh my gosh people this is just like the flu. Nope wrong! We have never been more wrong. This shit is real.

I work in an ER. I have always worked in an ER. We see everything and we keep our cool. I can watch a person literally quit breathing in front of me, and completely keep my cool. You have to be calm when you are in this profession. Yet this has me rattled...I sit at the nurses station and listen to doctors- ER doctors that are phased by almost nothing. Talk about how they are having panic attacks in the middle of the night, how they feel short of breath, how they are scared...we all are...this is the new norm.

I go to work and I am surrounded by patients that are fighting for their life. Some have already tested positive and some are most certainly going to be positive. We put three patients on a ventilator within two hours...not normal people...this stuff is scary...and they are not all elderly.

A couple of months ago we were reprimanded by hospital administrators for wearing a mask out of a room into the nursing station. Reason being if that person coughed on us, etc that we can be carrying those germs. Now it is perfectly fine, even encouraged for me to wear that mask for...months??? Weeks??? Who knows...How gross is this? How dangerous is this? As a healthcare worker I am continuing to go to work each day...now wearing hospital issued scrubs and eyewear that I have bought. We have no bubble suit as you may see on tv. At what point do you step back as the healthcare worker and say...I can no longer risk my life and my family's life? I have not quite figured it out yet. What is the breaking point? As I am so exhausted and break into tears on a daily basis. As I feel myself start to get a cough. When is enough is enough for me? True I did sign up for this but I always thought in the United States of America, I would have proper protection. Wrong again. I would never dream that high risk patients would come in and refuse to wear a mask, refuse to cooperate and say "they don't give a damn if they spread it to me and my coworkers." Wrong again, it has happened. No kidding. People that do this are literally messing with our lives.

I feel so bad for my patients- the ones I know really aren't going to make it and they are all alone...no visitors allowed...I feel bad for every single one of them...so this is the new reality I guess....it is heart breaking. My heart goes out to everyone that has lost someone and is battling this...also my fellow healthcare workers...we are all in this together and I hope we all make it to the end. Rant done, I am exhausted...just as much as the world is......

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

 
Wow! This book tapped into every emotion for me. I cried, laughed and was content...all in one book. This adorable rom-com landed on my door as a surprise book mail from William Morrow and I couldn't have been more excited. I loved it!

As an ER nurse you could say I am a bit overwhelmed with the world today. In between shifts I would pick up this book and escape into the world of Laurie and Jamie. A much welcome escape!

Well this book gave me all the feels as I stated above. It actually got me downright furious at Dan...good old Dan the man...ughhh. Her boyfriend of 18 years...yes flipping 18 years up and decides well he has had enough. What???!! Right out of the blue. I was so furious I could hardly contain myself. I literally had to say okay.... get a grip it is just a book. It hit me so hard though because I felt so bad for Laurie who basically got traded in for a younger model. Laurie who had spent some of the best years of her life with Dan. Laurie who put having a family on hold for Dan. Laurie who has to go to work and see Dan every single day. Oh yes and if that wasn't enough Dan's new girl is preggers. Really Dan???? Obviously I hate Dan.......obviously...

Then when Jamie comes into the picture, well things get really interesting. Their fake relationship they created had me wondering how this would all pan out. I loved their chemistry yet I wondered if Jamie was really the playboy that he seemed. Jamie seemed perfect, but almost too perfect. As I went along with their fake relationship I kept hoping that they would get together. I hate to say but I really liked Jamie! I know, sucker...but I did. It seemed Laurie did too..is she about to make a second big mistake?

Oh my gosh guys, this book was so cute! I can't thank the publisher enough for sending this too me! William Morrow you rock!

The Two Lives of Lydia Bird by Josie Silver

 

Well this was a hell of an emotional roller coaster! I spent much of the book confused and then BAM 💥 it clicked and it brought me to tears… anyone that has suffered a loss can relate. The ending is .... fabulous ❤️

This is a very emotionally charged  read for me. Like I said, most of the book had me confused and a bit frustrated until I figured out what was really going on with Lydia Bird. Now nobody truly knows what is going on with a character, except the author themselves. So we all have a personal perception of what we think unless it is completely spelled out for us. So this was my take on Lydia and it crushed me and then the ending made me smile.

So odd to struggle a bit throughout a book and then have it be a 5 star read. I know, it seems weird but hear me out. The book is split into chapters of "asleep" and "awake." I loved the awake chapters but the asleep chapters...well I was scratching my head going umm ok. Until I figured out what the sleep chapters really meant- or so I think.

 Lydia would fall asleep and dream her fiancee Freddie was alive and well and they were living their life. In the awake chapters, Lydia would have to face the grim reality - that Freddie died suddenly while on the way to her birthday party. There is no Freddie and Lydia.

As many of us, I have faced a loss of a loved one that tore my heart out, destroyed my life. Everyone deals with grief differently. For me, sleep was like an escape from the terrible reality. Then there is the moment when you wake in the morning and you lie in bed for a minute and you are groggy still. You spend every single moment thinking of your loved one and this is the one moment in the day that your mind doesn't remember that they are gone...and then it does and you think "oh yeah." I feel like Lydia's sleep chapters were the same. It was her way of dealing with her grief. As time goes on she slowly needs this escape less and less.

Realizing this and then the ending was so heart touching that it quickly got bumped up to a 5 star read for me.  Lydia Bird I loved you even though your story stirred up way too many feels. A beautiful story and I loved, loved, loved this ending.

Follow Me by Kathleen Barber

Holy flipping crap! This book is creeeeeptastic! I can't believe I waited this long to read this book. Sure it just came out but had I known what I know now I would've jumped on this ARC the second I got it. Okay, okay, you get it.....but I LOVED this book.


Part of the reason I loved this book so much was the author's style of writing. I love it when you crack open a book and you have never read the author before. I usually find myself either drawn to the writing style...or not. Well instantly I knew this would end up being a favorite author for me. See- I love dark, witty, gritty humor...and this book is riddled with that. I love it! Everyone who has read any of my reviews knows, I love, love, love me a Liz Nugent book. This reminded me of that kind of dark style. I am an ER nurse, we thrive on that.

Audrey Miller is an "it" girl or so she thinks. Audrey is all about Audrey. With all the Audrey's self love splashed all across Instagram, she has managed to get herself a million plus followers. Pretty impressive Audrey. She considers herself a celebrity and doesn't care if everyone knows her every move...well as long as it looks good. It is highly entertaining to think how true this "staging" is when you consider people on social media. So true to real life!

Things really take a turn as Audrey moves into a basement...with a complete weirdo living upstairs. With a broken lock...with someone watching her sleep....HELLLS to the no! Not this girl. I would be out of there in a flash. I dare you not to be creeped out!

Especially creepy was the author's note. I am just minding my own business reading it, not realizing at first that it was about her research for the book. OMG this research is insane. Note to self- sticky note over camera...check..

As for the ending, well that was very well played! EEKKK! Okay I am done being a drama queen but I blame Audrey! Her drama must have rubbed off on me for this review. Seriously though, I loved this book and hope you do too.

Thank you so much to Gallery Books for this fantastic ARC!